We aren't going home today

We aren't going home anytime in the near future.

You wound is bad. Real bad.

The first few dressing changes it didn't look like much really. The we got a bad one with lots of pus and drainage, then another one that didn't look so bad.

Then last night, while working with nurse Jessica (<-adore her) we found tunneling in your wound.

Not good.

In fact really bad.

Dr Bailey came in this morning and did the dressing change himself. I tried to get here on time but just missed it. The nurse tells me he really went in and cleaned the wound out and opened it up.

If it doesn't start getting better they will have to go in and open you up more and debride the wound.

It's just all bad.

Before we found the tunneling Dr Bailey said we would need at least 5 more days of antibiotics. Now I don't know what the treatment plan is or how long we might be in here.

You on Morphine.

I finally put my foot down and insisted on some pain meds and funny enough you now have more than I really wanted.

Morphine for your dressing changes, Tylenol with Codeine for general pain, and a sedative to help you sleep at night.

I'm good with you getting the Tylenol #3. After seeing your wound and what it takes to clean it I'm all for the Morphine too at least for a day or two.

The sedative I don't really want and don't think I will let them give to you but I will wait and see what happens.

I can't pretend that this is anything but hard. We are at a point, physically, mentally, emotionally, (and just to make it really fun) financially, where we just don't know what we are going to do.


But what choice to we have but to keep doing the best we can everyday and get you home as soon as possible.


Today I left your bedside to get some lunch. I was only gone 10 minuets at most.

I had asked the nurse to keep an eye on you but when I came back you were screaming, red, and dripping sweat, you were so upset. I'm pretty sure you had been screaming the entire time I was gone and that the nurse didn't check in on you at all.


This is why I don't and won't leave you. The nurses don't even try and get us to step out anymore. We are the parents that don't leave.

I miss Pierce so much it hurts to think of him.

It's another one of those days where I'm just going to be sad for a while. I will get over it.

I forgot to mention in my last post a big THANK YOU to my niece Whitney who brought Pierce here and then sat with you so brother and I could spend a little time together. It's amazing how those little visits can do so much to restore me and hurt so much at the same time.

The card brother made you

Your Granny came and stayed with you all day yesterday allowing Dad and I some time away from the hospital. She even held you for two hours while you slept. Again she took care of you while taking care of me. We are both lucky to have her.

Another baby passed away today. I can hear the family crying as they pass by in the hall.

I ache for them.

How did I get here? This place where loss is so common.

I'm going to finish this post and hold you.

and hold you

and hold you

and say a prayer of thanks that I can.